Star Wars vs Us
by Vegesa SSJ Jedi Knight
Summary: An average day. Goof off in science, plan to watch AOTC once again after school, well, all of that is inturupted when a certain bounty hunter walkes in and takes four Junior high kids to Vader's ship. My the force have pitty on the galaxy.
1. Science fiaska, the unlikely protoge

Star Wars v. s. Us  
  
SSJ V: We still do not own Star Wars. Take your evil lawyer and Sh- Boba: I never thought I'd have to remind you of our rating. SSJ V: It's OK, I rated this on PG 13. Boba *sadistic smile* SSJ V: Uh oh.  
  
SSJ V: OK, this isn't my usual, 'eat sugar until you can't see strait and then go play on your computer' story. It actually has *gasp* a plot! And some drama, but it's still got bundles of humor! ^_^! So have fun reading!  
  
Chelsey, G.T., Zam and Fuzzy Chan sat in the back of the freezing cold classroom, which G.T not so fondly mentally named "Snape's Dungeon". Their teacher, Mrs. Rozzie, was talking about. something, which only a kid nick named MO, MO was listening to.  
  
"So, Chelsey, are we going to take Darth Kennedy to the movie to play the Star Wars slushy drinking game?" questioned G.T.  
  
"Ya! I want to see Yoda kick but! And I can't wait to see Anikin again." Chelsey added as an after thought. Chelsey' s favorite character was Anikin. Besides, she reasoned, he grows up to be Darth Vader. I mean Darth Vader! Come on!  
  
GT's favorite character on the other hand was Boba Fett, the bounty hunter. Believe it or not, this very. strange kid modeled her life after the hunter, and quoted him at appropriate times (e.g.: I bow to no one and I fight for a cause, or HA, HA, HA!) . Except for the padawan braid, because Obi Wan was cool when he was their age.  
  
"I wish I was going with you guys." Zam complained.  
  
Ya, remember last time?" Fuzzy Chan put in. "Raise de roof for Yoda!"  
  
"Hey, maybe this time we should do the Evil, Psycho Kid laugh Patent Pending B- BOBA FETT!" GT shrieked.  
  
"What the heck was that for?" Fuzzy Chan asked, cleaning out his ringing ears.  
  
"I-I-I.. Boba Fe-e-" GT stammered with the weirdest look anyone had ever seen on her face.  
  
Just then a girl named Elaine in the front of the class screamed, soon joined in by every one in the class, minus GT, who still had that odd look plastered to her face.  
  
"I'm looking for a GT, Chelsey, Zam and Fuzzy Chan." Boba stated, hand on his Blaster holster.  
  
GT, Chelsey, Zam and Fuzzy Chan shot their hands up, the same thoughts running through their minds: Boba Fett, + blaster + insubordination = instant pain. AKA, not to smart.  
  
Boba raised an unseen eye brow. What, did these kids want to come with him? They obviously knew who he was, judging from the kid that shouted out his name, who he presumed was crazy. Maybe they were all crazy? That would explain it.  
  
Boba motioned with his blaster that they should follow him, so the four jumped out of their desks and ran after him. That's it. He had to know.  
  
"Why are you kids so eager to come with me? I'm a Bounty hunter! Don't you know what that means?" He asked, extremely exasperated.  
  
"Sure we do." Zam answered. "It means your taking us out of science class, and we get to fly in a space ship."  
  
"Not just any space ship!" Chelsey interrupted. "The Slave 1!"  
  
"Furthermore, we get to see Mandalorian armor up close." GT interjected.  
  
"Did we mention that your taking us out of science class?" Fuzzy reminded him.  
  
Weird, weird kids. Boba thought, and walked out to the parking lot, where he had the Slave 1 parked. Noticing that a cop was giving him a ticket, he disintegrated him.  
  
"Gulp." Was all that he could here from his charges. Maybe not as crazy as he thought.  
  
He opened the door to his ship and they got inside.  
  
"Why Vader wants you is beyond me entirely." He muttered.  
  
"Vader?" Chelsey yelled, now with a look ALMOST as odd as GT's, after all they weren't there yet. "How long until we get there?" She asked exuberantly.  
  
"About two days." Boba groaned. Two more days with these psychos.  
  
GT pouted. She was hoping that it would take longer. Oh well, she would just have to cram it all in. She took out a note pad and a pencil.  
  
"Hey, can I ask you a few questions?"  
  
"No."  
  
"What's it like to be a bounty hunter?"  
  
"I get to kill people I don't like."  
  
"What's the most important thing to remember about being a bounty hunter?"  
  
"Always check your jet packs."  
  
Zam snorted. GT cast her a dirty look that said "shut the H.I.F.L. up if you want to see the next second of existence.'  
  
"Will you take you helmet off?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Now?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Now?"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Can I call you Curly?"  
  
"1) No, 2) Why?"  
  
"Because you have curly hair."  
  
"How did you know?"  
  
"Because your a clone of a guy with curly hair."  
  
".Oh."  
  
"Oh, oh, I have one!" Said Fuzzy. "When Jaba turned Leya over to you."  
  
"OH YOU SICK MINDED, PERVERTED CHILD!" GT interrupted. "A) THAT HASN'T HAPPENED YET, DIMWIT! And B) No, He thinks that that things like that are immoral."  
  
"He's a bounty hunter who kills things for a living, and he thinks it's immoral?" Asked Zam.  
  
"Yes , read 'The Last One Standing: The Tale of Boba Fett'. Don't even talk to me until you do! You know why? Because I'm not listening!" Yelled GT with her fingers in her ears.  
  
Ok, this was seriously getting scary for Boba. How did these kids, more particularly GT, know so much about him? Did Chelsey know that much about Vader? And he thought they were weird to begin with. He reached under the seat until he found what he was looking for, a box of Mellow Yellow. Just then, the arguing in the back stopped, and he heard a painfully loud, "BOBA, RUN! DON'T LET HER GET THE MELLOW YELLOW!"  
  
The next thing he knew, Chelsey was tackling the box and clawing her way in!  
  
"NO!" howled Zam, fighting her off.  
  
"Boba, Pass, I'm open!" Yelled Fuzzy. Boba threw the box to Fuzzy, hitting him on the head and knocking him out.  
  
GT ran over and did the only thing she could do to counteract Chelsey in this state, and gard the soft drink. She chugged an entire can.  
  
Then the thought hit her! If Chelsey was acting insane right now, the only way to bring her back to normal was to act more insane then she, it might just embarrass her into acting normal anyway.  
  
"Get the Mellow yellow never shall you!" GT yelped, or, the yelp may have been from Boba, who was seriously questioning his own sanity.  
  
"Do the magical polka dance to KO you, will I!" And so GT started jumping around screaming "Magic, magic polka dance, magic polka dance this is!" She hesitated, knowing what she was about to do would embarrass Chelsey enough for sure, but she also seriously feared for her own safety in doing so. ran up to the bewildered Fett, grabbed his forearms and said "Help me do the magic polka dance you must, only way to defeat the Pepsi demon it is!" And she once again began twirling around, except this time, she was taking Boba with her.  
  
"GT, stop that! You're embarrassing us!" Chelsey whined. GT stopped dancing. "Thank you for your help." She flashed a wide grin at Boba, and walked across the tiny room.  
  
"Dear, Bloody, Hell." Boba stated, leaning back against the wall. She was trying to embarrass her friend? Well, at least they both stopped.  
  
Just then the screen blinked on. It was Vader. Boba went to the Cock-pit of the Slave one. "Boba Fett have you retrieved the children?" Asked Vader, with the usual amount of Malice in his voice.  
  
"Ofcourse." Replied Boba Fett.  
  
"Good, I knew I could count on you." And the screen blinked out.  
  
Fett sighed. His thoughts were broken by a: " OUCH! MR. FETT? UM, A LITTLE HELP?"  
  
Boba stomped into the main room to see what was going on. GT was standing in the automatic door, which was closing on her.  
  
"I can't move!" GT complained, looking pointedly at Boba' s electric trap that had snared her feet. "GRRRR."She growled, and jerked one foot back so hard that one of her Foot became free. "Uh oh." She murmured.  
  
"What?" Zam inquired.  
  
"You know how Mellow yellow gives me extra strength, because of the high sugar intensity?" GT asked.  
  
"Ya." Zam answered.  
  
"The Mellow yellow just wore off."  
  
"Er, Mr. Fett?" GT asked, giving her leg a test pull. "Do you think that you can deactivate this?"  
  
"Only if you're quiet for one hour." He smirked and went back up to the cock pit. Silence.  
  
***ONE HOUR LATER***  
  
"GET THIS BLOODY CONTRAPTION OFF ME!!" GT wailed.  
  
Boba ignored it. Oh yes, revenge is sweet. No one 'Magic Polka Dances' With the Fett.  
  
"Mister Fe-e-e-e-e-e-tt! Please?"  
  
Just then Chelsey and Fuzzy came around, and seeing their best friend in the whole wide world unable to reach them, they decided to take advantage of it.  
  
"Hey GT!" Fuzzy called "Boba Fett is."  
  
Boba slammed the button to release GT, and immediately heard the high pitched scream and dragging noises, leading to a -  
  
"Mr. Fett? Can you let me out?" By Fuzzy, and a very loud BITE ME! Was heard from the cock pit.  
  
"I think we're a bad influence on him." Chelsey inferred from her spot on the floor.  
  
They then decided that it was time to go to sleep. After Fuzzy yelled a few more times and got a " Go to H.I.F.L.!" An "Eat my shorts!" and "SHUT UP!"  
  
****************************************************************  
  
The next day was pretty uneventful. Chelsey tried to get the Mellow Yellow, was thrown in the trap, Fuzzy complained that his ankles got hurt, was thrown in the trap, Zam DID get the Mellow yellow, was thrown (with difficulty) into the trap, and GT taped her mouth shut and spied on the dash bored controls, and was running away from Boba when the ship landed.  
  
Chelsey immediately ran off the ship, yelled, "BYE, BYE CURLY!", attached herself to Vader, and started giggling insanely as Vader tried to throw her off, Zam and Fuzzy close after, although keeping a respectable distance, while GT tried one more time to get Boba to take his mask off, pouted, said goodbye and slowly left the Slave 1.  
  
Boba Fett got back on the ship, padlocked the door, and blasted off into space before realizing something. He was bored!  
  
GT looked longingly into space as the Slave 1 blasted away.  
  
"I have called you all here for a reason" Vader stated.  
  
"Really, I never would have guessed." GT said sarcastically.  
  
"Well, aren't we in a bad mood today." Fuzzy stated, earning an I'm pissed so froop the H.I.F.L. off TM look from GT.  
  
"Yes, well, I have called you all here because you have force signatures through the roof, except for you." He pointed to Fuzzy. "I need a new admiral."  
  
"Me? An Admiral?" Asked Fuzzy.  
  
GT and Chelsey looked at each other. They knew that being Vader's admiral was NOT a good thing.  
  
"All of you others." He pointed to Zam Chelsey and GT. "Will be trained as Sith lords, my apprentices."  
  
GT muttered something about bounty hunters, but a sly smirk crossed her face.  
  
"I'm in." She said.  
  
"Us too." Chimed in Zam, Chelsey still too busy with Vader to notice the apocalypse.  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
"First, choose your outfits." Vader explained, opening up a closet filled with. black stuff. "Black is the traditional Sith colour, and wearing the Sith cape is a time old practice."  
  
Chelsey went first "Black bandanna, evil looking young Anikin suit! Nice."  
  
Zam went second "Oh, a suit just like Zam Wesell's! Only in black! Coooool."  
  
GT went last "Hey! I look like Luikie Skywalker!"  
  
"What did you say?" Vader asked, snapping his attention towards GT.  
  
"I said uh. I look like Luke. um. Sky hopper!"  
  
Vader glared at her "You can not lie too me, young one."  
  
"Uh.." GT fumbled for words, "You see. Can I call you Darthy?  
  
"No."  
  
"Ok Darthy."  
  
"Be quiet before I decide to force choke something."  
  
"."  
  
"Good. Now, you will all build you own lightsabers, follow generally along these blueprints." He took out a scroll and left them to work.  
  
"Boba was more fun than him." GT pouted, before getting to work.  
  
ONE HOUR LATER  
  
Vader strode back in to the room. "Have you completed your sabers yet?"  
  
Nods were seen around the room..  
  
"Good. Let's see them."  
  
Chelsey activated her' s first. A red saber, designed to look like young Anakin's, the only difference being that it was red.  
  
Zam went second, a unique design, producing a blue saber.  
  
GT went last, designing hers to look like young Obi Wan's, only with a silvery blade.  
  
"Coooool." they chimed, but were cut off by Vader firing a blaster at them! The first to move were Zam and Chelsey, deflecting the deadly projectiles, then GT, sending a shot back at Vader.  
  
"What the H.I.F.L. was that for?" Yelled GT.  
  
"To test your skills, young one."  
  
"What is with that 'young one' shrapnel?" She asked, very T'd off.  
  
" I shall call you what I like, you are my apprentices. Now, follow me to your rooms."  
  
GT fumed all the way to her room, which turned out to be one room with two bunks.  
  
"Top!" Yelled Chelsey and GT, throwing themselves towards the beds.  
  
"Hey, what gives?" Chelsey asked when there was no ladder.  
  
"Simple." Smirked Vader. "You have to learn how to force-jump to get to the beds.  
  
Chelsey and GT shrugged, remembered what they heard in the Star Wars movies, and after about three tries, two foot jumped the six foot space to the beds.  
  
*******One Month And Lots Of Training Later*********  
  
"Young lady's, can I see your licenses please?" Asked an imperial traffic policeman, stopping the girls who were coming back from a "Shopping spree".  
  
"You don't want to see our licenses." GT, in the driver's seat told him, waving her hand.  
  
"I don't want to see your licenses." The policeman responded.  
  
"You want to fork over your blaster."  
  
"Here, You can have my blaster." The cop said, handing his blaster over to them.  
  
"You want to see if you can drop 500 stories and bounce."  
  
"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeee."  
  
"Your mean GT." Zam snorted, looking after the fallen officer.  
  
"Well duh, I'm a Sith. And I didn't see you complaining when we mind tricked that guy, who was it? Wedge or something, into giving us the speeder, or when we tricked those people into giving us the free clothes, or."  
  
"All right, all right, I get the picture, jeeze." Zam retorted.  
  
Chelsey sighed. If only something exciting would happen around here. "Guys, how about we go back now."  
  
GT looked sad. "No more joy-riding in speeders?"  
  
Just then, someone rear ended them. "Oh, nice going Han, now get out and apologize to those girls." "But, Leya. were in a hurry!" "Be that as it may Han, you should still apologize." "Fine kid," "My name is L-U-K-E! LUKE!" "Kid, only if you come with me." "Fine." "Men."  
  
The troublesome trio froze. Oh, not good, oh so very, very NOT good. What a day to leave your lightsabers behind. "OK, no one act evil." Chelsey instructed, not looking back.  
  
"Wow! Incredible! Han, get ready, I feel three incredibly strong evil forces coming from that car."  
  
"I have a bad feeling about this." Zam choked through gritted teeth. "And Vader is going to be so T'd off if we kill his kid."  
  
"Just go along with them." GT instructed.  
  
Wer. A humming noise erupted from behind them. A lightsaber.  
  
"God, if I die now, I have been to the bridge of the Avenger and been trained by Darth Vader. But if you kill me , I swear, I'm so going to kick your butt when I get up there. Or down there. Something like that." Chelsey prayed.  
  
As she finished that sentence, the but of a blaster and a lightsaber came down on the back of their heads.  
  
"Are you sure their the Sith Vader trained? Their just kids!" a voice. Where were they? How long had they been out?  
  
"Hm, many forms the dark side has." Another voice agreed. No way, it couldn't be, but it had to be!  
  
Zam rubbed her head. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see GT pretending to be a sleep, only the pace of her breathing gave her away, which even then she quickly rectified. "Yoda?" Zam asked, holding the egg on the back of her head to stop it from throbbing.  
  
"Ah, know my name the small one does."  
  
"Hey! I'm the oldest one here! Ok, except for you and Luke. Mainly you." She amended. "What are we doing here?" She asked harshly. After all, even if Yoda was very, extremely, cool, he had KIND of kidnapped them.  
  
"You are our hostages for now. The Dark lord will have to do something for your ransom." Luke interjected, beaming. Obviously, he had come up with the plan in the first place.  
  
"Ha, you certainly over-looked something then." GT smirked, revealing her consious state. She dug in her zipped up pocket, then frowned, and continued searching.  
  
"Looking for this, are you?" The diminutive master asked, pulling something out of his pocket.  
  
GT growled. That was an obvious 'yes'.  
  
"Confiscated it I did. Look suspicious it does. Tell me what it is you will."  
  
"When I was checking the main controls of the Slave 1 , I found an extra com-link device, linked directly to the built in com in Boba Fett's Mandalorian armor." She spat back, with a glare that would frieze the blood of the most callused heart. That's when they found out that Yoda was far sighted.  
  
"Hm, Tell me who this 'Boba Fett' is you speak of. Sounds familiar it does."  
  
That's when GT lost it. Yoda had done it. She had been waiting to vent this at someone for a very long time.  
  
"Ya, well, I'd hope you would remember, master." She snarled. "Don't you? That little boy who sat in the stands and watched as one of your 'peace- keeping-Jedi', sliced his father's head off, that sick b-"  
  
"Ah, remember that I do." Yoda said, shaking his head with remorse. "Bad decision that was by master Windu. Terrible pain I felt, was the consequence of his actions."  
  
"Duh." GT huffed, leaning back on the dirt.  
  
"Ow." Groaned Chelsey waking up. "I missed something, didn't I?"  
  
"Oh, not much." Zam explained. "Only that we've been kidnapped by Yoda and Luke, are being held for ransom., GT's plan to get us out of here by calling Boba Fett just flopped, speaking of which, she just vented the injustices of Mace Windu against him, bla, bla, bla, the usual."  
  
"Oh, Ok." Chelsey said going back to sleep.  
  
GT and Zam were glad then that Chelsey didn't say anything like "Hey, Luke, when your dad was your age, he was hotter than you". They remembered at first being mad at Vader for ordering the doctor to get rid of 'all distractions' which happened to include all non-essential hormones, but right now they felt like kissing his boots. GT remembered that that was about the time that she hadn't needed glasses anymore. She'd suspected that that had something to do with it, but never bothered asking.  
  
"Weird kids these are."  
  
********************************************************************  
  
"Their WHAT?!?" Vader yelled at the captain. He had just found out that the three kids were missing, and although he would not admit it to himself, he had actually become very attached to Chelsey, treating her almost as the daughter he could never raise.  
  
"Listen to me captain." Vader growled, pulling the officer in close by the scruff of his neck, even forgetting momentarily about the force. "Either you find them, or you will be finding it very difficult to breathe in space!"  
  
"Y-e s Sir. But I have some good news! Jedi master Yoda had been found, on a planet near the outer rim.!"  
  
"Tell your troops to get over there, wipe out all the life, and then FIND THOSE KIDS!" And with that, Vader stomped off, there was someone he had to call. **************************************************************  
  
"THERE WHAT?!?!" Fett yelled at the hologram, for once loosing the coolness he usually kept about himself. Impossible! The kids? Missing? He sighed and calmed down, panicking would be no good. But they had probably been kidnapped! His mind worked and he sat down. For the first time in a long time, the bounty hunter was worried. That kid, GT, she was a smart one, and whether he liked it or not, he supposed, chasing her around the ship and holding on to his helmet for dear life after doing the "Magic Polka Dance" well, the kid really kept him on his toes, that was for sure.  
  
Just then , he noticed the absence of the beep* beep* beep* of his extra com unit. It was gone! One of them had taken it! Now all they had to do was get it from whoever kidnapped them.  
  
"Vader, I'll have those kids back to you in no time.." The confident hunter proclaimed, and switched off the holo. All he could do now was wait.  
  
**************************************************************  
  
GT peeked out of one eye. It was there, right in front of her, even if she couldn't see it, she could sense it. It was the only way out of this mud ball planet, and she would not fail. She couldn't use the force, the others would sense it. She had to use the skills she had learned on Vader's ship, the Avenger. Just like sneaking extra rations after kerfeu. She told herself, even though she knew it wasn't. One slip would alert the Jedi master, and then she may be here for a long, long time.  
  
She crept over to the sleeping Jedi, and carefully slipped the com out of his pocked.  
  
"Mr. Fett? Are you there? Mr. Fett?"  
  
The call was so silent that the dozing hunter barely heard it, but he did.  
  
"GT, where are you?" He asked, getting a Sh! From the other end.  
  
"I don't know! All I know is that we've been captured by Luke Sky Walker, and a Jedi master named Yoda."  
  
Boba Fett stopped listening after 'Yoda'. Sure he knew where that was, but could he get there before the Storm Troopers? Only one way to find out. He locked on coordinates and reved the ship into hyperspace.  
  
"I've locked on coordinates. Fett out."  
  
*Click*  
  
The com hung up, GT sighed with relief. Thank the force. Then, realizing what she had done, quickly shoved the com into the Jedi's robes and darted towards bed, before the green master stirred, looked at her and scolded "Try to get the com unit you should not. Have it force garded do I." GT faked looking crestfallen, stomped back into bed, but went to sleep with a crafty smirk playing on her face.  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
Boba Fett and the Slave 1 zoomed across space. It had been one day since the call and he was almost there. Question is, would he make it in time? He forced the image of three blaster torn bodies out his mind. He was going to be sick. Great. He thought. My most important mission, and I let my feelings get in the way. Or was it only his feelings that made it seem more important? What ever the case, he didn't have time to contemplate it, he told himself. Almost there.  
  
They sensed it before they even heard it. Thump, thump, thump. What was making that noise? Thump, thump. Realization dawned on Chelsey's face. Her head snapped around to the others. They knew it too. Storm troopers. Oh, so very, very not good.  
  
"On the count of three, we run." GT whispered. The troopers blasted down the trees in front of them. "THREE!"  
  
The trio, plus Luke with Yoda on his shoulders, darted off into the woods, followed by cries of "Kill them!" As they ran.  
  
"Please hurry Boba!" GT whispered. "Come on, come on."  
  
Luke skidded to a stop, Zam ran into him, almost pushing them both over the gargantuan cliff face that they were staring down! Luke grabbed a vine, swung over, then tied it around the tree on the other side!  
  
"LUKE YOU SOBBING SOB OF A SOB! GET YOUR SOBBING REAR END BACK OVER HERE!" Zam yelled, but Luke had disappeared through the trees.  
  
"Think we can take 'em?" Asked Chelsey without looking back.  
  
GT cast a look behind her, only to be confronted by the entire storm trooper army gaining on them. "No, no not really." She stated. She looked down the canyon again. She sighed. This was NOT her day, before jumping into the pit!  
  
"GT! WHAT THE HIFL ARE YOU--- AHHHHHH!"  
  
"AHHHHHHHH"  
  
"AHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
Chelsey pushed Zam into the pit, and they fell towards the ground. "I'm going to get either an ulser, a hernia, or a heart attack, if I don't end up as a pancake." Zam thought to herself, as they continued their deadly decent.  
  
Boba cruised along a crevasse, searching for the kids. Something wished passed the window of the Slave 1 Followed by two more screaming figures, who in turn were followed by heavy blaster fire that came to a cease when the troopers figured their young pray was dead . The brats! He turned his ship into a nose dive, and began catching up on the receding forms. Luckily for them, they had kept their wits about them and were falling spread eagle down the hole. His ship easily caught up to the lowest one, GT, who aimed herself in through the door, since they were falling at the same speed. Next, he slowed down for the other two, who angled themselves in, same as GT, finally, coming to a stop, just before the bottom of the pit. Zam got out and started kissing the earth, while Chelsey stopped hyperventilating, and GT did a very un-GT like thing, ran up and hugged Boba Fett, before coughing into her hand and saying thanks, to embarrassed to realize that the hug had been returned, but Fett certainly wasn't about to tell her that either.  
  
*cough* "Um. thanks.a lot, you saved us."  
  
"Ya, well, I was hired by Vader to get you three back."  
  
GT did her best to hide her disappointment, and Fett was about to say something before.  
  
"Back to the Avenger?" Zam asked.  
  
"Yes." stated Fett quizzeldly. Ofcourse back to the Avenger, what was she thinking?  
  
"Well, because I was just wondering." Zam trailed off.  
  
"You want to go home." Chelsey finished for her friend. Zam nodded sheepishly. Boba stared. She wanted to go home? To Earth? He sighed. He would do that, but what would he tell Vader?  
  
"All right, I'll take you." He concluded. "Anyone else want to go home?"  
  
No one said anything. He figured that. GT and Chelsey seemed more the type for intergalactic adventures, without the comfort of parents there for them.  
  
Zam smiled. She knew her friends wouldn't want to go home. After this, they would never be satisfied with an adventure again. All the same, she wanted to see her mother again. Zam sighed. She knew she would be giving up a lot though. all of the adventure, her friends.  
  
"Hey Zam, when you go home, tell our parents that were all right, but I don't think they'll believe you about the whole 'Hey mom, guess what? I got captured by Boba Fett, trained on the Death star by Darth Vader in the ways of the force, kidnapped by some rebels, including Han Solo, Leya Organa, Luke Skywalker and Jedi master Yoda, and Boba Fett just decided to drop me back off at school' thing.."  
  
Chelsey pointed out.  
  
"Ya, that's probably a good idea, and maybe refrain from using the force and all that junk." Zam laughed.  
  
Chelsey laughed along. It had been one hack of a long week. She was looking forward to being on the Death Star again. Vader had actually turned out to be good mentor to her. Plus, the Storm troopers were always nice to her, in a big-brother kind of way. The Avenger and the Death Star were kind of like a family to her now. Even Palpatine was sort of a crabby old grandpa who looks really disgusting and. Ok, she just really didn't like that guy. She chuckled at the thought of Palpatine telling ninety- year-old fishing stories to Vader, and then Vader slicing his head of. She really, really didn't like 'ol Palpy. Ofcourse it would be hard to leave her real family, after all, they were blood! She just thought somehow that it was better this way.  
  
So, it's back to the Avenger. GT thought. She knew that she should be really happy. Right from the start she knew that if the chance for some great adventure like this arose that she would snap it up in an instant from the time she was five years old. It's not like she wasn't grateful or anything, she just wanted to be more than some small town average Jo who doesn't even make a dent in the Universe when all is said and done. Being a Sith lord, that was a prospect that promised great adventure, and she would make a difference, she just felt it wasn't right. She looked around the Slave 1 and sighed. She knew why it didn't feel right. She looked at Boba Fett, in his Mandalorian armor. Her idle, the enforcer of everything that she stood for. Hell, if it wasn't for him, she wouldn't even be thinking about this. The only question that burned in her mind at the moment was: What was she going to do about it?  
  
Zam got off at their school on Earth. Seeing as how it was Saturday, there weren't many people around. And besides, who's going to believe a couple of drunken looking teenagers when they said that the Slave 1 touched down in their parking lot?  
  
Everyone said goodbye to Zam, and watched her meet up with her parents once again. "Well, happy ending number one down, two more to go." Chelsey smirked.  
  
"Ya." GT agreed half-heartedly. Chelsey didn't notice, but Boba Fett gave her an odd look out of the side of his helmet. Like he said before, weird kids. He thought with a grin. He sighed. He was going to miss the kid though. Maybe.no.  
  
They got back to the Avenger about five hours later. Chelsey was immediately waiting by the door, but GT didn't look to sure. Boba spotted Vader practicly running out to greet the ship. He chuckled. It was hilarious to see the Dark lord of the Sith panicking over three little girls.  
  
The door opened and Chelsey was almost a blur of motion, immediately attaching herself to Vader like when they had first seen him.  
  
Vader looked up o see only Fett and GT in the doorway of the ship.  
  
"Where's Zam." He asked, using his usual menacing voice. Hm Boba thought, not at all like the panicked tone he had heard when Vader was talking to him about Chelsey and the. that's right, he'd emphasized the fact that Chelsey was gone, ofcourse he had been to worried about GT to notice. He admitted o himself. Speaking of whom, she was still standing next to him in the Slave's doorway, quick mind working to make an excuse. Suddenly she forced her eye's to fill with tears. "T-th-th-he Storm troopers." She mock-sobbed. "It was horrible! They found us and then, and then. she trailed off, burring her face in Fett's armor, shoulder's shaking. Someone give this kid an award. Fett chuckled to himself. He noticed Chelsey, face in hands, with the same shoulder-shaking affect. In truth, they were laughing themselves horse over GT's bad acting, but Vader need not know that.  
  
"Well, that would have worked." Vader stated. "If I wasn't reading your mind right now."  
  
"Damn it." GT cursed herself for her stupidity. She should have had a mental wall up. Vader studied her for a moment longer before turning his attention to Boba.  
  
"Mr. Fett, would you be willing to take on GT as a Bounty Hunting apprentice?"  
  
GT froze. That-that-damn it! He had read more into her mind! Great. She looked at Boba. It would be all up to him now, make or break.  
  
He turned his head to look at her. Come on, come on, please! She mentally pleaded. Fett turned back to Vader. Come on, don't make me pull the puppy eyes on you.  
  
"I would be honored, Sir." GT fought back the urge to do a victory dance on spot. She didn't think that would impress anybody all that much. What she forgot to do was TRY to hide her emotions from other force sensitives.  
  
"You're HAPPY to be going?" Chelsey asked, taken aback at the sudden wave of joy and relief emitting from her friend.  
  
GT pulled the same smile she'd done when Fett first walked into the classroom. "Hm. let me think about that. um. ya!"  
  
Chelsey regained her composure. Ofcourse, she should have seen it coming a mile away, but she never thought that Boba Fett would actually except her! She smiled. "I'll call ya if I need you guys then. The Universe better look out for a force sensitive Bounty Hunter!"  
  
GT smirked back "And nobody better turn their back on a certain sadistic Sith. Make that two." She said, looking at Vader.  
  
"Kill Palpy for me!" GT shouted as Boba Fett led her back into the Slave 1 .  
  
"Only if you kick some giant Jaba the Hut, butt!"  
  
"Done!"  
  
"Deal!"  
  
The End  
  
(Not?) 


	2. I think I just screwed up'

Star Wars vs Us 2 (Revised)  
  
Disclaimer: Well, seeing as hostile takeovers of large organizations are much harder to take over than one might imagine, we still do not own LucasFilm. Boba: I still say you should go with the Barney traumatization technique. That is seriously scary. SSJ V: Feh, it's worth a try. *walks off dragging Barney suit behind her* Boba: By the way, if you happen to see a blond, 5"7 girl who looks like she's having a bad hair millennium dragging a Barney costume.... run, very, very, very far, very, very, very fast.  
  
BTW, ""=words **=sounds ''= thoughts = telepathy  
  
"Ne e he-he-he-ya! Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!"  
  
*Thunk, thunk, crash!*  
  
"Sorry Mr. Fett!"  
  
*Slide, thunk*  
  
"Um, try to find a hand hold within the next half a second if you-"  
  
*Thunk, thunk*  
  
"Sorry!"  
  
OK, so your probably wondering what the H.F.I.L. is going on here, right? Well, while Mr. Fett was accomplishing 'important business' (cough* taking a nap *cough), GT found that there was an Imperial/ Rebel battle taking place up ahead, and, using her impeccable judgment, decided to fly right through it. They were presently dodging laser fire and exploding X, Y and A wings, seeing as how 'Rebels don't need shields'. Sure. That's why they were being used to wipe all the levels of the Death Star's floors with their hyperdrives. (A/N, Yes I know that would not work. Be quiet ; P )  
  
"Let's see, dodge that there (thunk, smash), whoops, rebel star fighter exploding. Oh, look, it's Porkins! Hey, doesn't he- (kaboom) Yep. Oh well, It's been a blast, but I don't want Mr. Fett to get much madder than he probably already is. See ya!" And with that, a very, very hyperactive thirteen year old blasted off into space. Also with that, her very ticked off thirty two (it's true. He was thirty two in ANH, thirty five in ESB, and thirty six in ROTJ. In case you all were wondering, in this version of Star Wars, Luke met Yoda just after Obi Wan, because Obi decided to tell him about Yoda immediately.) year old mentor stormed through the door to the cock pit. Without saying anything, he extracted the last can of Mellow Yellow from her hand and shoved it through the airlock.  
  
"Can you explain to me why EXACTLY you thought it was necessary to pilot the ship DIRECTLY through and Imperial operation?"  
  
"Uh..." 'Come on GT, think! God gave you a brain, and intended you to use it by explaining your totally random and poorly thought out actions!' "You see, a favor is an investment!" She quickly thought up, quoting something that she was pretty sure he had said to her once. "And a favor to Darth Vader is a really good investment. I thought that by shooting down some rebels-"  
  
"Shooting down? Then how come I didn't here any laser fire coming from the Slave's cannons?"  
  
'Force damn it! How the HFIL did he hear over being tossed around that much? I know! He's got to be bluffing.'  
  
"I'm not bluffing."  
  
"Hu? Wow! I never knew that you were force sensitive!" GT exclaimed.  
  
"I'm not. I'm just so used to your explanations that it's easy to tell what your thinking and when your thinking it."  
  
Chelsey?  
  
GT, I'm busy, now is not the t-  
  
I just wanted to tell you that I'm about to die and that you can have my CD player.  
  
Your CD player is on Earth.  
  
Oh, then- see ya.  
  
Good luck thinking up another excuse.  
  
Thanks.  
  
Chelsey sighed. Her friend had gotten into trouble AGAIN. Not that she didn't do some pretty bad things herself. She just didn't get caught.  
  
Vader turned to look out the window of the Executor, his new ship. Swiveling his head, he turned to look at Chelsey. "Contact your friend, GT. Tell her to turn on the view screen."  
  
Yo, dead girl?  
  
Ya.  
  
Turn on your view screen.  
  
K.  
  
GT reached over and flipped on the view screen. Much to her surprise, Vader stood looking at the Bounty Hunter and the Bounty Hunter In Training. "Fett, we owe you our gratitude." GT had to consciously restrain herself from saying something to the effect of, eh? "If your ship had not interfered, Luke Skywalker would surly have destroyed the Death Star. Your ship knocked his slightly off course, causing his missiles to fall off to the side. You will be rewarded in later affairs." The view screen clicked off.  
  
Fett looked down at GT, who continued to stare at the view screen. He absent-mindedly patted her on the head, before returning to his room.  
  
Chelsey?  
  
Ya.  
  
I think I just screwed up.  
  
I would tend to agree.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
"I'm real sorry guys. I was sure I had it!" Luke apologized for the umpteenth time that day. "A ship flew over me and knocked the missiles off course. I can draw the ship if you like."  
  
"That would be great Luke." Leya (I can't spell her name right, or that's the right way and I just don't know it.) sympathized.  
  
So, Luke began to draw exactly what he'd seen. When he was about a quarter done, Han began shifting his weight nervously in his chair. When he was halfway done, Chewie felt the immediate need to cover his scalp (Boba's trademark shoulder braids are made out of braided hair from Wookiee scalps) and when he was entirely finished, they both thought it extremely necessary to jump up and run out the door screaming bloody murder (and roaring bloody murder I think ;) ).  
  
"I think that they would be able to help us find the pilot of that ship." Leya stated knowingly.  
  
"No, what ever gave you that idea." Wedge muttered.  
  
"Excuse me?" Leya sniffed.  
  
"Er.." 'Come on Wedge, improvise' " I said it would be a good idea if we sent Luke to find out."  
  
"Me? Why me?" Luke asked, listening to the ominous "AHHHHHHHH!" *crash* "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" *crash* "I DIDN'T DO IT!" "WWWOOOOOOORRRRRRRR!" (translation: Yes he did! He did it all! Kill him!) "CHEWIE!?!" "WOOOOORRRRRR!" (translation: I'm to fuzzy to die!) echoing down the hall.  
  
"Because you screwed up. It's a rule, the biggest screw up on the base has to ask the insane pilot and the insane Wookiee." Wedge explained, as Luke trudged off to find Han.  
  
  
  
SSJ V: Well, that's all we have for now. I'm kind of stuck though. If anyone has any suggestions, post them! Boba: Ya, otherwise she'll probably just turn everything into a big, fluffy too-too wearing something like she did in her last story. Come on! Don't make me turn into a big, fluffy, too-too wearing something! SSJ V: I wouldn't turn You into a too- too wearing something. Boba:....Oh. Cool. SSJ V: I might turn your ship into a pink, sparkly, fluffy- Boba: PLEEEAAAASSSEEE review! Don't let her get my ship! 


	3. Spill the beans

Bla, bla, the Barney thing didn't work, we don't own Star Wars, screw off.  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
"Han? Han? Please, open up!"  
  
"No, he's going to kill us!"  
  
Luke sighed, before a metaphorical light bulb flashed on! He put on a high voice.  
  
"Han, it's Leia, I've decided that I really do love you!"  
  
"Nice try Farm boy, but we smuggler types are smarter than that. No, Chewie, electrical socket bad, light bulb good!"  
  
Luke was beginning to get frustrated. He had been trying to coax Han and Chewie out of the closet for the last half hour, and they were still stubbornly attached to the lock. Why did they have a lock in the closet anyway? That's it, no more Mr. Nice Jedi.  
  
"HAN, OPEN UP THE FORCE BE DAMNED DOOR RIGHT NOW, OR I'LL GO DARK SIDE ON YOUR-"  
  
*Click*  
  
"Much better."  
  
*********************************** Meanwhile *****************************  
  
GT was calmly trying to decide what to do. OK, I lied, she was screaming into a pillow and hyperventilating while Fett was trying to figure out what the frick was wrong with this kid.  
  
"AAAAHAAAA, SHITZU, I SCREWED UP THE TIMELINE!! WE'RE ALL GUNNA DIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!"  
  
"What do you mean, 'screwed up the timeline?" Fett inquired, captured by the odd statement.  
  
"I can't tell you, because then you might not take Han Solo to Jabba or you might know that Princess Leia is the bounty hunter with the thermal detonator, or that you're supposed to fall into the Sarlacc, or that the rebels are going to attack the Imperial base on Endor while Wedge Antillies and Lando Calrissian destroy the Death Star and Vader turns to the light side and kills the Emperor before he dies and the rebels start up the New Republic and you get rescued from the Sarlacc by the freak with the Turban and. Oops."  
  
Boba stared. He had encountered a pre-cog only once before, so he knew what a rare thing it was to come by. The Icarii Queen, Selestrain (Ya, I'm not making this up, go read some comics), had offered him a glance into the future. He had declined, thinking only of the bounty some fool wishing to know of future events would pay, but as it turned out, he was to know anyway. Wait- fall into the Sarlacc?  
  
"You weren't going to tell me that I was going to be eaten?"  
  
"I was!" GT defended. "I would have, the day before, so that the other information could be kept quiet."  
  
Well, this was getting fairly confusing, he realized, but for the most information, one should start at the beginning.  
  
"How did you come by this information to begin with?"  
  
"Uh, long story."  
  
"I'm not going anywhere."  
  
"*sigh* Well. . ."  
  
*********************************Meanwhile********************************  
  
Chelsey ran through the halls of the Star Destroyer, screaming profanities that I don't know if I'm allowed to write down in a PG 13 fic.  
  
"Stupid! *thunk* Stupid! *thunk* Stupid! How could she be so STUPID!" Chelsey banged her head against the wall. A cold chuckle sounded from behind her. Uh- oh. She spun, slowly around, coming face to face with the Emperor himself.  
  
"I know what your thinking. You know that the first Death Star was supposed to be annihilated by those torpedoes. And so do I." He pulled out from behind his back a small case- labeled Star Wars IV, A New Hope. Chelsey expectantly waited for Episodes V and VI- no, he hadn't found them. *Phew *.  
  
"You didn't tell me that you had this sort of knolage available." His face turned sour. "I expect this level of military insurrection to end. Is that clear?"  
  
"Ofcourse, M' Lord." Overgrown. . . Freaky. . . Thing. Wow, I'm low on burns today.  
  
"Good." He turned and stalked away.  
  
My FORCE that guy is scary!  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
Han and Chewie seemed to have caught a bad case of paranoia. After rushing to finish explaining their dilemma, the two nervously sat back down, back to back, so that they could see an attack coming from behind them.  
  
"So what you're saying is, your mortal enemy, the greatest bounty hunter in the known Universe, seems to be taking an interest in the imperial cause?" Luke summarized.  
  
"Who votes we ditch Han where Fett can find him so that he doesn't come after us?" Wes asked, sticking his hand up into the air, quickly followed by Wedge, Luke and Leia.  
  
"GUYS!" Han shouted. The drew their arms down, more reluctantly.  
  
"OK, we need a plan." Leia stated.  
  
"Once again, Princess obvious to the rescue." Wedge whispered to Hobbie and Wes.  
  
Lei glared. "ANYWAY, who's got some ideas?"  
  
"Oh, I've got one!" Han shouted, jumping up. "How about we send Luke after Fett! I mean, he'd probably loose horribly, but, what the hey."  
  
"WHAT?!?" Luke screamed. There was no freaking way he was doing that alone! (This is when Luke is a whiner who can barely use the Force.)  
  
"Han is right. Force, I can't believe I just said that. Anyway, I'll come with him." Wes Volunteered, leading to the rest of the crew volunteering also.  
  
Also known as- VERY BAD NEWS.  
  
***********************************Later***********************************  
  
"And so there you have it." GT finished.  
  
Boba, who had not spoken through the story (well, jeeze, I'm sure we all saw that coming), continued to stare pensively at nothing.  
  
GT chewed her lip. "If it makes you feel any better, you have a fan army the size of New York who could probably take over the planet if they tried hard enough. Oh, wait, you don't know what New York is. Sorry."  
  
"In a more serious situation, would you have told someone else as much as you told me, by accident?" He questioned. Phew, easy question, not like 'How much wood could a wood-' well, that's getting off topic.  
  
"Well, maybe that wasn't so much of an accident as it was that I was really sick of trying to guess the date of the whole 'Sarlacc incident', you see."  
  
"And where did you say that this information was available?"  
  
*Later the next day*  
  
A thirteen year old girl swayed under the weight off all of the books, each with a different sub title, but all labeled with the same 'Star Wars' logo. Fortunately, the Book store's cashier didn't ask any questions, and simply racked up the cost and saw the girl out of the store.  
  
GT felt her way across the ground with her outstretched foot, seeing as her vision was impaired by the large pile of reading material. Finding her way out back, she dumped the books into the Slave's open hatch and crawled in. Well, at least she wouldn't be without something to read for a while. Maybe she should call Chelsey.  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
"MORON!!!" Chelsey screeched through the screen. "My force, between you and the Emperor, I'm going to die sometime within the next twenty four hours!"  
  
"The Emperor?" GT questioned, throwing her door a sidelong look to make sure no one had been attracted by the noise.  
  
"Uh, ya, he might have found my Star Wars tape yesterday..."  
  
"And you called ME a moron?" GT asked, almost ready to jump through the screen to strangle her friend.  
  
"Take it easy, it was only Episode IV!"  
  
"Where are the others?"  
  
"Um..."  
  
"You LOST them?"  
  
"You could say that, I prefer the term 'temporarily misplaced' myself."  
  
"Arg, I'm coming to help you find them, before Lord In Need Of A Dentist does."  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
What will happen next? Will Luke and the crew find the Slave I? Will the girls find the tapes? Will the Emperor go to a dentist? I'm not telling! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Lots O' Laughs,  
  
B& SSJ V 


	4. Fun with trash

Scary Narrator Dude: Last time on Star Wars vs Us, our heroes-  
  
SSJ V: Um. . . define the word 'heroes'.  
  
SND: Well, um, the dimwits who can't keep their mouths shut and misplace vital information were in deep fodder. And no one here owns Star Wars, so you can sue yourselves-  
  
Boba: And give us the money.  
  
SSJ V: 0.o. . .  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
GT practiced for the last time her 'Please let me go save my friends ass, I promise not to get almost killed again' speech. She walked in the door behind Fett, ho was repairing his armor, damaged from a recent hunt. Guess what malfunctioned?  
  
"You really need new jet packs." Wow, stupid, that's EXACTLY what you say when you want to convince someone to let you carry out an inconceivably idiotic plan.  
  
*grunt*  
  
Ah, Fett code. I should build a translator for him. I'd make millions on people who want to know what he's actually saying! Or. . . not. Ya.  
  
"IneedtoborrowoneoftheescapeshipsandtheextrasetofarmorsoIcangosavemyfriendwh olosttheEmperorStrikesBackandReturnOfTheJedisothatoldwrinklyandsmellydoesn't findthemandbarbeQhersorrybehind. (translation: I need to borrow one of the escape ships and the extra set of armor so I can save my friend who lost the Emperor Strikes Back and Return Of The Jedi so that old wrinkly and smelly doesn't find them and Barbe Q her sorry behind.) Please?" Talking that fast was always a good strategy. That way, people might not actually understand you, but smile and nod, so you could really say that you had their permission.  
  
*grunt*  
  
"Thank you!"  
  
As she walked out of the room, he took out the ear plugs he'd put in. Just in case stupidity really was contagious. Wait, was that the sound of one of the escape ships taking off? Uh-oh. . .  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
"Calm, calm, stop hyperventilating now. Stop. Stop. Ok, not working. WHERE IS THAT STUPID-"  
  
"Here."  
  
"GAH! Holly mother of- Don't do that!" Chelsey glared at her smirking friend.  
  
"Sooo, skipping the formalities, or, since we're friends, would that be casualities?"  
  
Chelsey raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Or not then- where was the last place that you put the tapes?" GT inquired.  
  
"My super secret room."  
  
"A.K.A?"  
  
"The box under my bed."  
  
". . . Alrighty. Does anyone else know about this box?"  
  
"None except for myself. And probably the cleaning lady."  
  
". . ." GT stared at the young Sith.  
  
". . .Shall I whack myself and get it over with?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
*Rebel Base*  
  
The entire Rouge squadron, Luke, and a few other random people who are unimportant and will not be mentioned, and will probably be blown up later on in the story, gathered around Leia as she did her customary weird pep talk thing.  
  
"You don't have shields. Your ships are pieces of junk. You are the best pilots we have, which is pretty darn sad. But hey, fifty to one are some pretty good odds. Right? All I can say is, good luck!"  
  
As the men turned away with looks ranging from shocked to 'All of the blood has been sucked out of my face, and I'm about to fall into a crying heap on this very cheap floor', Leia walked out of the hanger, wondering if she truthfully should have said 'rather you than me'. Naw, good luck sounds more Princess-y. And, it was her JOB to make Han's head explode.  
  
"He, he, he."  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
What a nice day, thought the slightly over weight cleaner woman as she walked down the hall. Nothing could possibly go wro- *THUNK*  
  
A girl suddenly ran up behind her and tackled her to the ground.  
  
"Hey, you said you would help me!" GT complained, as she head locked the middle aged woman and waited for Chelsey to walk around front with the 'blinding light of doom'. Actually, it was just a desk lamp on an extension cord, but you get it.  
  
"I'm a Sith. I don't do jumping people from behind." Chelsey sneered.  
  
"Whatever. Just get on with it."  
  
*Click*  
  
"WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY MOVIES, YOU. . . um. . . person."  
  
"Wow, that really stunk."  
  
"Meh."  
  
"I. . . I. . . I dumped them in the waste bin. Young minds should not watch such things, it is not good for the head." The lady answered.  
  
"*sigh* Here we go." Chelsey lifted the top of the garbage chute and dropped in, quickly followed by GT.  
  
*Two hours later*  
  
"Have we found them yet?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Now?"  
  
"No."  
  
Chelsey sighed and sat down on something. A squishy something. A something that MOVED.  
  
"GT?"  
  
"Ya?"  
  
"Did we forget about the giant snake sewer monster?"  
  
"Uh-Oh. Maybe it's asleep."  
  
"Oh, I thing it's quite awake actually."  
  
GT looked down at her feet, which had, without her knowing, been entwined in a scaly body.  
  
"May I repeat, uh-oh."  
  
"Don't - move." Chelsey instructed, as she slowly got up and ignited her lightsaber. Quietly, she walked over to the snake, before, *SLICE!*  
  
"Hey, it ATE them!" Chelsey exclaimed, picking up her two, now thoroughly digested and nearly unrecognizable tapes.  
  
"That's great Chels, but lets get out of here. See, it's not QUITE dead!!"  
  
As she spoke, the snake began to wreathe and hiss, knocking a large chunk of trash out near the bottom of a pile. Can you say avalanche? (And not the NHL variety!)  
  
"AHHHH!!"  
  
Chelsey grabbed GT's arm and began randomly pressing buttons, until she finally came to one that read 'grappling hook'.  
  
"That'll work." GT and Chelsey said, in monotone unison, firing the hook and shooting up the chute. (A/N He, he, he, sorry!)  
  
"Dude, I need a shower."  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
Fett adjusted his helmet, and prepared to go through routine armor checks. Well, he was going to, but this is Star Wars, so naturally, something's gotta happen. Probably something BAD. If you assumed as much, you win the 'I Have A Brain' certificate. ^_^ Enjoy!  
  
A light flashed on the dash bored.  
  
"Attention, Boba Fett," Announced the Slave I, "fifty small vessels approaching, classified as A, B and Y wings. Call coming through."  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
DUN -DUN- DUN! The end of this week (or possibly month. . . or two. . . um how about this) The end of this questionably large time slot's segment! See ya next time!  
  
Lots O' Laughs,  
  
B& SSJ V 


	5. Well at least Wes won the bet

SSJ V: *Bars Door with titanium slabs, shoves everything in the room up against it and positions two German guards in front* Hi there! Just parent proofing the old room!  
  
Boba: You think your parents could have gotten in after you nailed the door shut and put starving hyenas in front of it yesterday?  
  
SSJ V: . My mom was a Lieutenant one and a half stripes when she left the army, my dad has a Masters in engineering, and I have homework that I could be doing. I'm surprised they haven't found a way in already, so lest start this before the do, shall we?  
  
Boba: That would be the smart thing to do. are you feeling OK?  
  
SSJ V: -_- We don't own Star Wars, but I figured out how to do this© ^__^  
  
***************************************************************  
  
Chelsey grimaced as GT flew her pod through the wall than out the hanger bay. She tossed the tapes in one of the fires that her friend had accidentally started and walked away.  
  
"Just where do you think you're going?" A raspy, evil voice asked from behind her. No, it wasn't even a cool raspy evil voice either, just Emperor Palpatine.  
  
"For a shower." Chelsey told him honestly. Where else was she going like this?  
  
"Fair enough, now why are you covered in trash, why is there a surveillance tape of you and that hunter girl-"  
  
"GT."  
  
"-Interrogating a cleaning lady, why is there a hole in the wall and what did you just throw in the fire?"  
  
"Well, you see," began Chelsey /I'm not going to make it out of this alive! \, "I couldn't find my . . . shoes, and I really like my shoes, so I called GT because she's training to be a bounty hunter to help me, and she suggested we asked the cleaning lady but the lady accidentally through out the . . . er /what did I say? \ shoes, so we searched the trash and found them then GT took off, which is why there is a hole in the wall, but my shoes were ruined so I threw them in the fire, and now I'm PO'd so I'm going to yell at one of the storm troopers and see if they die. Goodbye."  
  
Emperor Palpatine stalked over to the fire as Chelsey ran off. They looked more like tapes than shoes to him. He may have to keep a watch out for these two girls.  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
Fuzzy Chan (ya, if you don't remember him, check chapter one) paced his room. As far as he knew, he was the only thirteen year old ever to be made admiral on an Imperial ship, but couldn't really see why- all he did was tell people to blow stuff up after the plastic wonder, Vader, told him to. Actually, sometimes it involved raiding the star ship Enterprise and stealing their phasers just to piss them off too, but that only happened about once a week.  
  
Anyway, the point here was- wait a sec, he had one- oh ya; the point was that he could do more. In fact, he wanted to be- he drew his bed sheets around him and drew himself up to his entire height of five foot six- a SITH!  
  
"BWAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAH- cough, cough, cough, oh, my asthma."  
  
Anyway, in truth, he had the midichloron count (ya, sp) to be a Sith, but Vader didn't take him because, well- Fuzzy dropped the bed sheet and hit himself in the face with the door on the way out- this guy was a bit of a klutz, if when you say 'bit' you mean in an extraordinarily large and moronic way (Chris, if you are reading this- sorry, but your characters are way more fun to mess with!).  
  
You know what? He thought, seeing an open ship in the hangar with no pilot. I should prove that I can be just as sithly as anyone else! He ran up and jumped in the cock pit. Perfect! There were a bunch of rebels heading towards the Slave I- he could get GT to vouch for him! Hm, speaking of GT, she must have done something pretty stupid this time if there were fifty rebels heading her way- he assumed this with the knowledge that in the few years he had known her, bad things were usually GT's fault- and if they weren't, they were Chelsey's. Ah, well, time to go find out who did it this time.  
  
***********************************************************  
  
Boba popped the call up on screen. Wes Janson sat in his seat, fiddling with a button on his shirt. Fett tapped the glass a few times to let him know he was there.  
  
"Hu, oh, uh, Fett, I presume?"  
  
Boba nodded.  
  
"Right, we're giving you one chance to surrender, as we have reason to believe that you are an agent of the Empire."  
  
"Why do you think I am?" Boba asked, sidestepping the implied question.  
  
"We have witnesses who say that they saw your ship knock one of our ships of course, leading to the defeat of out operation." Wes said. /That Skywalker kid had better be right. I hope he doesn't recognize me.\  
  
"Mhm. That wasn't me."  
  
"People saw your ship."  
  
"It was my ship, but it wasn't me."  
  
"Wait, you mean someone made an identical copy of your ship and knocked Luke off course using it's super magic powers so that we would get our asses kicked- I mean- think it was you?" Wes asked keenly, leaning into the screen.  
  
". Was that sarcasm or are you an idiot?"  
  
"A little of both. But if that didn't happen, what did?"  
  
Boba shook his head and took out a surveillance camera tape, and began to play it. A blond girl, age thirteen, stole into the room carrying a case of half empty soda. As the rest of the case was quickly emptied, it wasn't long before the silence was broken by a loud 'Ne ha, ha, ha, ha!' some clanging and thumping noises in the background then, 'Sorry Mr. Fett!' The ship then bumped into something, but continued on its course. Boba took out the tape before it got to the part where he came in- that wouldn't be too good for business.  
  
"All right, who was that?" Wes asked.  
  
"My protégé. Don't even ask." Fett instructed.  
  
"Just out of curiosity-"  
  
"What did I just say?"  
  
"No, not that, where is she?"  
  
"Er." The sounds of a pod reattaching itself were heard in the background. "Here."  
  
"You didn't know 'till she came back did you?" Wes laughed.  
  
"Um." /Come on Fett think! Arg . . . Have . . . No. . . Social. . . Interaction . . . Skills. . Knew dad might have been on to something with that- come on, even GT can think of an excuse- might not be an intelligent one, but this isn't the smartest guy, either- Haven't I seen him before? O yes.\  
  
"Weren't you the person at Jabbas who tried to win the bet by-?"  
  
"Well, I don't think you did it, gotta go bye!"  
  
*************************************************************  
  
"BWAHAHAHAHA, TAKE THIS REBELS!" Fuzzy yelled, aiming his torpedoes.  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
SSJ V: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *Parents climb in through a new hole in the wall*  
  
SSJ V's mom: It's homework time.  
  
SSJ V: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
SSJ V's mom: By the way Boba, there are cookies on the counter downstairs if you want some.  
  
Boba: Um. thank you?  
  
SSJ V: *Attempts to hold on to door frame with toes* You can't make me go!  
  
Boba:. I think. 


	6. Oy Vey!

SSJ V: Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Finally! My parents have gone out for a few hours- time to write! . . . Um. . .  
  
Boba: . . . You have no idea what you're about to write about, do you?  
  
SSJ V: Feh, I'll make it up as I go along- that's what I always do ^_^! Besides, I keep getting death threats from Dark_Omen, I'm rather afraid of what will happen if I don't.  
  
Boba: o.0 you've got some odd friends.  
  
SSJ V: ^_^ Not the least of which is you, buddy. AAAAANNNYway, don't own Star Wars, don't sue.  
  
******************************************************************  
  
Alllllrrrrighty then, where were we? Oh, right-  
  
"BWAHAHAHAHA, TAKE THIS REBELS!" Fuzzy yelled, aiming his torpedoes and firing. Er, for the purposes of this story, let's just say that someone stuck Jar-Jar in front of the missiles before they reached Wes.  
  
Universe: "THANK GOD!"  
  
God: "SHUT UP!"  
  
Universe: Somebody hasn't had His coffee yet.  
  
Uh, ok, so anyhow-  
  
"Eeeewwwww, I know these ships are pieces of bantha foodoo, but give me a break here!" Wes grumbled, turning on his windshield wipers and scraping the Gungan guts off his windshield.  
  
"We're under attack!" Shouted Luke, putting away his Barney toys and grabbing the controls.  
  
"Damn, that didn't sound good." GT observed, walking into the cockpit.  
  
"No shit." Boba answered, leaving GT to stare oddly at him- hey, she had to rub off on him sometime! "Buckle up."  
  
GT grumbled as he took the controls. "Wait a sec, why are they firing at us!?!" Boba shrugged, and started firing back at them. "Wait another sec, why are WE firing at THEM?"  
  
"Because their firing at us."  
  
"BUT WE DON'T KNOW WHY THEIR FIRING AT US!"  
  
*-*-*-*-*  
  
"Woops." Fuzzy exclaimed as the rebels began to fire on the Slave I. "Hm, perhaps this would be a good time to call Chelsey."  
  
*-*-*-*-*  
  
"Why don't we ask them why their firing at us?" GT shouted.  
  
"Because, it's like asking for directions." Boba replied.  
  
"Why the Frick wouldn't you ask for directions?" She yelled.  
  
"You just DON'T."  
  
"OH for PETE'S SAKE, push over!"  
  
"What!?!"  
  
GT grabbed at the controls and turned on the screen which immediately held up Wes' face.  
  
"WHY ARE YOU FIRING AT US?"  
  
"Because you sent torpedoes at us- more specifically ME!" Wes answered.  
  
"No we didn't!"  
  
"Then who did?" He asked.  
  
"PROBABLY, the IMPERIAL SHIP that's floating BEHIND YOU, YOU MORON!!!" GT shrieked at the screen as Wes and Boba covered their ears.  
  
"Well... um...Oops?"  
  
GT smacked her head against Boba's chair.  
  
"I guess we'll just be going n-"  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
Chelsey's ship screeched out of hyperspace. She should have known that something would happen to GT- usually, though, it was her own fault- or, of course, Chelsey's- but Fuzzy? Well, he is a bit of an idiot; she should really have expected him to slip up sometime or another- she just hadn't figured it would make fifty rebels all start trying to murder GT and Boba Fett.  
  
Aha! There they were! Aiming missiles- FIRE!  
  
"Tra-la-la-la-la!" Barbie sang as she flew her Barbie space mobile through- erm, space. "Hey, what's tha-?"  
  
*KABOOM!"  
  
Chelsey eyed the damage. "Damn! I always hated Barbie."  
  
"THE HELL?" Wes shouted as his ship became covered in Barbie parts. "That's it, you are SO going down!"  
  
"Blasted torpedoes," Fuzzy grumbled, "Ah, here we go!"  
  
"WHAT THE?" Four people shouted as three missiles shot at Wes, Chelsey and the Slave I.  
  
"Where's the nearest planet?" Wes hollered.  
  
"EARTH- But the nearest landing area is right under a lightning storm!" GT answered.  
  
"Anybody got a better idea?" Chelsey yelled, joining the conversation.  
  
"..."  
  
"Guess not."  
  
As the three ships fell through the atmosphere, the electrical storm became visible.  
  
"This isn't good." Wes gulped.  
  
*ZAP*  
  
"Oh no!" GT gasped- both the Slave one and the Rebel ship rocked with lightning. "We're going to-"  
  
*Thud*  
  
"-Crash, *sigh* Mr. Fett? Mr. Fett?"  
  
"ZZZ* snore *ZZZ"  
  
"MISTER FETT!"  
  
"WHOA! I'M UP, I'M UP!" As he jumped out of his seat, his helmet jerked off.  
  
"Holly frooping shrapnel! You're like, sixteen!" GT shouted.  
  
"Yeeaaaa... and who are you, where am I, how did I get here, and WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY SHIP?"  
  
"Well..." GT began, staring at him. Hey, it wasn't everyday your hero got turned into a sixteen year old! "I'm GT, you're on Earth, I'm pretty sure that the electricity somehow reversed your ageing cycle so that you're no longer thirty two, and we crashed."  
  
"Oh, Ok, that's fine, except NOT! You expect me to believe that I'm thirty two years old? How stupid do you think I am?"  
  
"Well, you know Mace Windu?" GT asked.  
  
"Ya."  
  
"Dead."  
  
"What? I was supposed to get revenge!"  
  
"You did."  
  
*Blink* *Blink* "Ok, you know what? I don't care if your telling the truth, I just need to get my ship repaired."  
  
"I think we can manage that." GT agreed. "C'mon, we should find the others."  
  
"Eh, Fett!"  
  
"Jansen! Long time no see!" Boba yelled, walking over.  
  
"Wait, wait, wait, hold on, you two KNOW each other?" Chelsey asked, running up.  
  
"Ya, why?"  
  
"Because you were just trying to KILL each other a minute ago!"  
  
"So?" Fett shrugged. "He gets annoying sometimes."  
  
Chelsey and GT stared blankly at them for a while, before GT shook her head.  
  
"Let's go guys, Kelsi and Gen should be able to find the parts we need. I hope we landed in St. Albert."  
  
*************************************************************  
  
SSJ V: OK, so this one wasn't the funniest, I needed to actually advance the plot line- next chapter will be fairly *interesting*.  
  
Boba: Aw, sh- I mean, yay.  
  
Lots O' Laughs,  
  
B& SSJ V 


	7. In which they decide not to get shot

SSJ V: Hey, long time no see all! Um, I have an excuse for not updating for so long actually! 1) Finals. Hate finals. Hate homework they give me before finals. I think I'll postpone my plots of Universal domination for the moment in favor of the Canadian school board. 2) THE FIFTH HARRY POTTER BOOK, MAN!!! Ok, so it actually took me less than a day to read, but *SPOILERS, SPOILERS, SPOILERS* I had to get over her killing Black! That was so cheap! And he didn't even die in a COOL way, either- he just fell through a door way thing! Why the hell would anyone keep something like that in their basement anyway? Jeeze, next thing you know and she'll axe Remus too! (Oh please Grace no; I would be forced on the behalf of all psychopathic Lupin fans to murder her!) Finally 3) summer vacation. I am sad to say that I can not reach my computer from the United States of America, so I am unable to post this. *Sob* Ah, well, what can ya do?  
  
Boba: OK, I think all of that just made a whistling noise as it flew over my head there. . .  
  
SSJ V: Eh heh, sorry Boba, but it needed to be said; anyway, I don't own Star Wars- now on with the story!  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
Well, yes as a matter of fact, they did land in St. Albert. Actually, by some razor thin chance that would be completely impossible had it not been convenient to the story, they had all managed to randomly crash land in Kelsi's back yard. Chelsey and GT raised their eyebrows, shrugged, and dragged their respective charges (GT grabbing Fett's sleeve and Chelsey yanking Wes along by the collar) towards the back door.  
  
*Inside the house*  
  
"Add a little bit of this; add a little bit of that and viola! Nitro Glistering!" Kelsi exclaimed with somewhat sinister glee that would have put Palpatine to shame. Fortunately, Kelsi's parents were out of the house for the moment, giving her time to work on her plans (which, by the way, I've been threatened with long term Barney film torture to keep my mouth closed about). Suddenly, she heard a knock on the door, which she completely ignored. It was probably just a . . . well, OK; she was just too lazy to get the damn door. Whoever was knocking at the door growled. Oddly reminiscent of GT when she had been given an extra math assignment, Kelsey thought, but no, she and Chelsey had been gone for almost a year now.  
  
"Hold on, I know something that gets her every time." The growling voice assured what was presumably the group. "KELSI, I'VE GOT BOBA FE-"  
  
Faster than you can say 'insane fangirl' all four of them were inside the house and Kelsi was staring at then blankly.  
  
"What the- is it Halloween already?" She asked numbly, looking over the group from Wes' bright orange flight suit to Chelsey's black robes, and finally GT and Boba Fett's Mandalorian armor.  
  
"Well, not for another few months, but I think I know what I'll be wearing." GT smirked.  
  
"Ya, ya, enough of the sarcasm GT, we're wasting valuable time in which I could be wreaking havoc on the universe- and you know how I am when I haven't tortured/blackmailed/generally caused mayhem by ten." Chelsey reminded her. GT shuddered.  
  
"OK Kelsi, here's what happened. . ."  
  
*One freaking long explanation later*  
  
"So that's why we need the parts." GT explained.  
  
Kelsi didn't even blink after their story. One of the advantages of having a friend who was a few cards short of a full deck- you don't need to spend that much time convincing them that something completely impossible is the reason you haven't been to school in a year. Comes in handy once and a while.  
  
"I don't have anything like that here; Gen was the one who could get that stuff that we used to use all the time." Kelsi told them.  
  
"All right, let's go find this Gen then!" Exclaimed Wes, somewhat anxious to be out of the company of the three Earth natives.  
  
The girls shared a look.  
  
"We would. . ." Kelsi began.  
  
". . . If Gen hadn't moved to Nova Scotia last year." Chelsey finished.  
  
"So we got to Nova Scotia, no big deal, right?" Wes asked hopefully. (For all of you who don't know what the big deal is, go find Edmonton Alberta on a map, then find Halifax, Nova Scotia. It's a big deal.)  
  
"Well we *have* to repair the ships, right?" GT mused. "That much we've got. Now, I realize that there is no way in the Universe that your parents would have let you get your learners license," she inferred, pointing to Kelsi, "but Danielle's would have already."  
  
"Even if we got her though, how are we going to ask her parents to borrow a car so that we can drive two Star Wars characters across the country to repair their space ships? You do realize that I'm already having a hard time keeping the men with the nice white coats off my tail," Kelsi reminded her.  
  
"Which is why we get Nat," Chelsey told them.  
  
"Isn't a gnat a type of small biting fly?" Fett asked skeptically.  
  
"That and the only girl in ninth grade who knows how to hotwire a car," Chelsey said.  
  
"Alright, but we've got to stop by Chelsey and my houses first, Mandalorian armor and a Sith suit aren't exactly at the height of fashion down here," GT suggested, "and maybe we should get something for them too." Wes and Boba shared a glance. In a matter of minutes these teens had decided to hotwire a car and drive it across the country, whilst displaying no visible moral qualms, and take them along for the ride? Fun. ^_^  
  
*Two hours later*  
  
"Has anyone else noticed that you never appreciate haw large a town is until you have to sneak across it without being seen?" Chelsey asked as GT slipped back out her living room window.  
  
"Am I consorting with a known criminal?" Wes asked, noticing that her shirt read 'Property of New Orleans Parish Jail'.  
  
"Only in fifty two galaxies," Boba answered innocently, misjudging to which person the question was directed.  
  
"Actually that's now one thousand three hundred forty six. It kind of sky rocketed after you assassinated a member of Naboo royalty." GT informed him. He paused for a moment.  
  
"Only that many?" He asked surreptitiously.  
  
"You got better at not being seen."  
  
"Oh." He surveyed the clothes the group was wearing as his bounty hunter's mind began nagging at him. "Just out of curiosity, what do we do if one of us gets shot?"  
  
"Bleed and or die." GT answered casually.  
  
"So we're definitely avoiding that one." Wes observed. Kelsi walked up to Danielle's door.  
  
"You all hide of something; Danielle's parents might be home." She advised, ringing the doorbell. Fortunately for the group, Danielle answered the door.  
  
"GT and Chelsey landed in my back yard with Wes Jansen and Boba Fett and we need you to drive us all to Nova Scotia so that we can get the parts to fix their ship after Nat hotwires us a truck so that we can fit the parts in the back."  
  
"OK."  
  
I told you insane friends were useful.  
  
Just then, a large truck rolled up the driveway. A tall brown haired girl leaned out the window. "Hey guys."  
  
"Nat?" GT asked. "How did you know where we were?"  
  
"Explanation later, being chased by cops."  
  
Chelsey noticed a siren in the distance. "OK, sounds good, time to go." They squeezed into the back along with the already loaded Slave I and X Wing. Just as GT was about to get in, a police car swerved around the corner. The bounty hunter in training slammed the doors and put on her biggest, most innocent smile as the officer strode up. The fact that trying to look innocent only made her seem more guilty than before notwithstanding, the 'Property of New Orleans Parish Jail' shirt wasn't helping much either. The cop walked past GT and up to Nat in the driver's seat, so GT hurriedly followed.  
  
"Do you know why I'm here young lady?" He asked.  
  
//Uh oh, this is bad. Come on, GT, think Star Wars- what would Obi Wan do? \\ She mentally berated herself. Obi Wan? Bingo.  
  
"This is not the truck you're looking for." GT tried.  
  
"Then again, this might not be the right truck," the officer agreed.  
  
"No, it's not. In fact, you should be looking for that important criminal on the loose."  
  
"I should be after that criminal- what was the name again?"  
  
"Uh." GT spluttered, "You were looking for Jack. Yes, you were looking for er. Jack.. Um. Sparrow?"  
  
The cop rushed to his car and squealed out of the driveway and down the street.  
  
"Jack Sparrow? You just sent a cop after a fictitious character?" Nat asked.  
  
"Hey, I didn't think Boba Fett was real either and look how that one turned out."  
  
"Ya, I think we should all have a chat about that actually. Not that I have a problem with skipping school for a few weeks or anything, I just took a pop quiz in math and I'm not to eager to see the results, but I think that Star Wars the movie might be being erased from Earth's history."  
  
"What?" Chelsey asked, squirming through the ships to join the conversation from the back.  
  
"I know what you mean," Danielle agreed, "This morning I woke up and I couldn't remember Luke's last name."  
  
"And my mom doesn't know who Darth Vader is," Kelsi chipped in.  
  
"What about fanfiction.net and all those other sights with Star Wars stuff on them?" Chelsey asked.  
  
"Their gone," Kelsi told them, "even all my stories off my computer have been erased.  
  
GT knitted her brow. "Maybe because the Star Wars time line is tangling with ours, all of the information about it has been wiped out."  
  
"I don't know, but I think that that cop should be remembering exactly which movie he last heard the phrase 'Jack Sparrow' in shortly, and by then I'd like to be out of the province." Nat suggested.  
  
"One second, how did you know that we needed you to hotwire us a truck and get Fett and Jansen's ships?" GT asked.  
  
"Remember when we figured out how to hack US satellite systems?"  
  
"Oh. Never mind."  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
SSJ V: Hey, another chapter at last. Now if you'll excuse me, my math teacher assigned my class some holiday homework which I have to give my mom another excuse no to do. See Ya!  
  
Lots O' Laughs,  
  
B& SSJ V 


End file.
